How To Love Me...

" You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

Cycles

As I was starting the dishwasher this evening, I noticed the settings: Normal, Pots and Pans, Rinse and Upper Rack. If I was a dish (yes this is really my thought process) which cycle would I be set to?
I thought about my choices pretty carefully. Normal definitely wouldn't be the correct cycle for me, as I'm the furthest thing from normal. Example: I'm writing a blog about which dishwasher cycle I would be set to if I was a dish. Rinse, while an amazing option, just wouldn't be enough. It would be like having the mac without the cheese. You can't have rinse without the wash. Pots and Pans, while I do like it rough sometimes (sorry) I don't think I could always relate to pots and pans.
Upper Rack: That's where the fun happens. All the bowls get to hang out up there. Cups too. They wouldn't get drowned with all the water like the bottom rack. They don't have to worry about the utensils being directly next to them. The upper rack is like paper beating rock in Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Fin.

Storm

Here I drift feeling alone again
Away from everyone and everything
As thunder claps and lightning strikes
Another storm of thoughts begins.
With everything a downpour
Confusion in the haze
Make my mind a maze.
On the brink of loneliness
Too tired to cry out.
The fears of standing alone
Entwined with guilt and doubt.
But it always comes full circle
At the end I just think of you.
Remembering good times
I hope this storm will lift
And we can see this through
Will friendship endure?
Clouded thoughts hollow
Waiting for it to subside
Emptiness raining down on me
Such cold numbness inside.
Blistering light flashes down
Leaving dark thoughts to burn
There's always hope for a better tomorrow
And I'm waiting for good times to return.

Serenity

"Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

About two weeks ago I went to a dermatologist about a mole that had changed in both size and color. Me being the hypochondriac that I am, got scared and finally decided to call a doctor to get it biopsied. While there, the doctor also found another mark that worried him. This morning I finally got the results. I have Stage 1 Melanoma, (it is one of the less common types of skin cancer, but causes the majority (75%) of skin cancer related deaths). See, I hate definitions like this-this particular one found on Wiki.
The doctor is being really positive and supportive. Luckily it is only Stage 1, which means I'll only need surgery. I'll go in, get the area cut out and then stitched up. They said it shouldn't take more than 40 or so minutes to finish the procedure. I'll also need to get my lymph nodes tested just to verify that it hasn't spread. They're pretty positive that it hasn't spread more than what they can remove since it was caught early enough. This is upbeat me.
Scared me...scared me hates doctors. Hates anything medical related. Hates that I feel alone in this. That all of my family lives far. And it's such a minor surgery-so minor compared to what it could have been if it had progressed had it not been seen as soon as it did. Yay for my hypochondriac-ness?
Happy news is that I get some nice pain killers out of this! <3

Inconsistency

I don't know what I want.

Grandfather

When I was a little girl
I'd sit on my grandfather's lap
While he read to me James Whitcomb Riley
And I would ask him to repeat each story
Again so that I could memorize the words.
And with each line he read to me
I would repeat in the same manner,
Imitating movements he made
Because I wanted to go home
And tell my dad the story, just like
My grandpa told me.

Beginnings

Take my hand
I'll lead you home
To another land
Further than Rome.

Escape with me
And never look back
Trust you'll be free
From another attack.

Don't need to run
Let's walk in line
This old life is done
Let your new life shine.